My Sexual Identity is Not a Fetish

Pride month may be over, but it’s not over in London with Pride London is on Saturday. I won’t be going because I’m still angry at the anti trans fuckery that occurred last year. You can read about it here since I know this post may well make me mad enough without going into this matter too. I’ll also be at a leaving party for one of my favourite people, so it’s a busy Saturday for me.

With that said, lets have a pride inspired chat. I’m a pansexual woman, I’ve known I’ve liked people regardless of gender since I was fairly young. And as I got older and came out I was fetishized and it’s a huge problem that continues to this day. The amount of people that will see you as a third wheel for a threesome or someone to date so they can have a threesome is, quite frankly, shocking. And I’d had enough a long time ago. I do not exist to tick a box on a sexual bucket list. And I know it’s not just pan/bi people. Trans people are often fetishized too and I’ve had enough. Our sexual and gender identities are not here for other people’s sexual kicks.

Bi/pan people already get seen as “greedy” and have to deal with erasure within the LGBT+ community and trans people deal with a lot of anti sentiments too and this is within the community that we are supposed to be part of. the B and T do not stand for bacon and tomato, it’s bi and trans. And we’ve had enough.

I’m talking today as a monogamous person, something of a rarity in the fetish community I know and when I was single had to have separate straight and lesbian accounts as even though I stated I was monogamous and had no interest in joining couples I would still get bombarded with messages from couples wanting a threeway or wanting me to join a poly relationship. At least with the second one they wanted me as a person I guess. But that’s not what I’m discussing right now. I was overwhelmed by people who saw me as someone they could chuck out of bed at the end of the night to fuck off. And there is nothing that messes with your confidence more than feeling like that’s all people want of you every time you check your messages.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a threesome, hell, I’ve had a few myself. They aren’t my thing and I accept that. But always show the same respect you would show to someone if you were looking for a relationship. Because if you try and make me feel cheap I have no problem ripping your arm off and beating you with the soggy end. We don’t pop up like daisies when you want one, and we don’t disappear out of existence in a puff of pink smoke when you’re done. We’re people, just like everyone else and we want to live our sex lives (and our lives outside of sex) with the same respect as anyone else.

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