I was so happy when I checked out Kink of the Week and there it was, one of my absolute favourite things. Humiliation!
It’s the one kink where I feel I really get to give my creative brain a work out because everyone is different in what they find humiliating. But it is also a total minefield of things that can go wrong. Push someone too hard or push the wrong button and you can kill the mood, scene and maybe even end up in a big row. It requires an intimate knowledge of your partner and what really makes them squirm, nothing about humiliation is a one size fits all fetish.
Why do I love it? Watching someone squirm always makes me wet, and knowing that they’re doing something that makes them uncomfortable yet turns them on just gives me such a hot sense of power. It’s probably one of my first fetishes, and you don’t need any fancy toys or expensive outfits. Hell I could message a sub right now and have take their underwear off for the rest of the day or to write something on their body right now and know that they’ll be hoping no one notices it and they can’t forget who is in charge. And all I had to do was pick up my phone!
But you do have to be careful, push someone too far in any kind of erotic mind game and damage can be done. Trust can be broken and that’s something that can be almost if not totally impossible to fix. Hard limits are not to be touched, if they aren’t enjoying it deep down then it’s no longer BDSM it’s abuse and you need to take a step back and think about yourself as a person.
Having said the just picking up the phone and sending a text, they might be out with friends, or at work, don’t put them in a position that could negatively impact on their job and of course if you are doing anything in public remember that you don’t want to in any way drag the people around you into your play, they didn’t consent to it and it’s not fair or right to be caught up in it. People like that make the rest of us look bad.
Humiliating your partner can be as simple as name calling and knowing just the right words to use to taking them out on a lovely date with a remote control vibrating toy and insults under their lovely outfit. I’ve had subs in chastity cages at work because I know that it is humiliating to them, or wearing women’s underwear, or no underwear if they’re a woman.
Humiliation can cross over plenty of other kinks too, turning a big tough guy into a sissy (actually I’ve got an issue with this fetish but that’s a post for another day), chastity, pegging and clothing control (something I touch on on this previous KOTW post). It can be gentle and fun or harsh and cruel depending on your play style.
I hope you’ve got some ideas and some advice on making sure you and you’re partner/s are having some safe and humiliating fun!