I have an interesting relationship with control, I crave both giving and taking it, and once I dominate someone I can never go back to submitting to them again. Here’s how I make it all work in my life.
As you’ll know if you’ve visited the blog before, I am going back to work in February, and one of the things I will be doing is online domination. It’s here that I get to enjoy my taking of control. I love how powerful it makes me feel. Becoming dominant and taking charge has changed my life, in finding my Mistress side I found my voice again after years of abuse. Being in control gave me strength, BDSM changed my life for the better in so many ways.
I have been the dominant partner in many of my relationships, I enjoy setting the rules as well as enforcing them, and I am a very harsh (but fair, I promise!) Mistress. I get frustrated with people that are only interested in setting rules that are about sex and nothing more, control in a D/s relationship should be about so much more than that, helping your partner to improve in ways they want to, helping the other person to stay on track.
But of course I enjoy giving up control, in my relationship my partner is the dominant partner. Unlike in many previous relationships he is only dominant during sex. Although he has had his moments where he has put the sexy dominant voice on to get me through my to do list. Me giving up further control is not something on the cards, or even been a conversation. We are still exploring a lot of different things together so there’s no rush, but I very rarely rule anything out in regards to the future.
Giving up control has been a huge help for keeping me on track in the past, having someone take charge makes me accountable to someone other than me. I can stick to goals rather than trying to get three weeks worth of jobs done in the space of an afternoon. And I can enjoy orgasms more when I have been given permission, and even more if I haven’t been allowed to have one for a while. Although this isn’t particularly a part of my current relationship. My partner really likes making me come. And I like letting him!
If you want to bring more control into your relationship I highly recommend taking a whole uninterrupted afternoon or evening to go through exactly what you both want. It’s a very complex thing and the last thing you need is outside distractions. Make a list, a physical one preferably of what is on and off the table. Once you have an idea of what you want, decide what to introduce to your dynamic first and over time add or take away as you find what works and what doesn’t. If it’s your first time entering into this kind of relationship why not check out my post on using a planner within a D/s dynamic here.