We talk a lot about giving consent to things, but here’s the thing, you can also change your mind and take it back. If you don’t like the way a scene or situation is going, no matter who it is, you can take consent back.
Many years ago I was in a relationship with someone that I changed my mind on a few of the directions our relationship was going in, I didn’t quite have the trust that I had months before and I needed to take back my consent for a few things. And they made me feel bad about it, they tried to guilt me into changing my mind. That although their actions had caused me to take back my consent I was somehow the hurtful one with my actions.
I don’t know what it was that made me think about this after so many years, but I remembered that I was made to feel so bad I felt forced to change my mind. We broke up shortly afterwards. It almost certainly saved me from a situation that would have done me a lot of harm emotionally or even physically. I know that since I have experienced this that others will have too. And it’s something none of us should ever have to go through.
But if you do find yourself in this situation please get out of it. Whether they are a casual play partner or a long term relationship (like the inspiration for this post was) they do not care about your best interests. It’s one thing to talk about it, and you should. Maybe not at the time, sometimes you need to let the dust settle first, but it is worth talking about why you need to rescind consent. They have clearly done something and it’s worth talking about so they know what actions haven’t made you feel safe. But sometimes it can also be worth just cutting your losses and walking away.
Walking away can sometimes be the hardest thing you can do, but the right thing can be the hardest whatever the situation.