Today I’m passing the blog to my partner again for him to write about his life with phimosis.
Phimosis is a condition in which males have a foreskin that is too tight to retract over the head of the penis. I’ve had it my whole life, and I am currently 28.
I didn’t recognise it as a problem until puberty hit and I was able to have erections. I was able to masturbate, sometimes comfortably, but if I pulled toward too far it would give a stinging sensation in my foreskin. I eventually developed a habit of masturbating with baggy pants or boxers still on, which would prevent me from pulling back too far. I still use this technique. Using a lubricant would help to loosen the end of my foreskin, but the sting would still happen. My foreskin reduces the sensations I feel during all sexual activity (solo or not). The tip also makes urinating messier, and when my penis is flaccid it appears to withdraw into my body, which I personally find hideous. I think that other men get far more pleasure from sex than I do, and while I still have an active sex drive; I believe this trait has affected my outlook to be far more cynical and expectant of disappointment. When I started masturbating one attempt could last up to an hour and a half.
During my teen years I was always uncertain about whether or not I would feel the sting if I were to achieve penetration, and this added to a great deal of insecurity about my place as a sexual being amongst a school filled with emerging sexual beings. I was socially awkward, had acne and was very overweight, and on top of that I had immense doubt as to the functionality of my penis. It’s tough for a young mind to go through puberty with no internal value as a lover. On a couple of occasions I sought medical help, at my local GP office, in which I was assured by two different doctors that my condition would not impede my abilities to have sex or urinate, though the cleanliness of my penis was more in doubt; regular showers and regular soap were all that was needed. On one occasion I spent a weekend obsessing over my condition, and waited till the house was empty of all but me. I went to my kitchen, placed my penis on a chopping board with some kitchen towel underneath and tried to cut off my foreskin with a meat cleaver. It hurt, and I had a rush of good sense and stopped. I cleaned everything away without drawing blood.
I went through my full years of education with no success in courting women, and my mental health deteriorated because of it, feeling as though I were a child amongst men. At University I would occasionally accompany my friends to night clubs, binge drink cider and jager-bombs, and if I saw too many people kissing I would have anxiety attacks and make an excuse to leave. I never felt comfortable flirting; I could never define the boundaries for what was acceptable and what wasn’t, so sex was virtually never up for discussion. I felt I had no place in making a sexual advance on a woman, I had nothing to offer. My condition remained the same, I felt intimidated by those I fancied and resented my friends who were sexually active. I was given a flesh-light by my housemates for a Birthday and it stung to use that too.
I hope that last paragraph doesn’t come across as irrelevant because I want to highlight that this condition has had an adverse psychological effect on me. I felt angry at myself. I often wonder what other people’s experiences have been like with phimosis. I wonder if a condition such as this could drive some men to commit sexually motivated violence or crimes, like in jokes about men with micro penises, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. It plays havoc with your self-esteem.
I continued the same way till my mid-20s, when at last, I got my first girlfriend. We took things very slow, as we were both new to sexual relations. The first time we were naked and in bed, I quickly told her “my foreskin doesn’t go back”, and I didn’t know what else to say. The first time I received oral sex, I could scarcely feel anything, and I thought to myself ‘Is this it? Is this what I’ve been waiting a decade for? Trust this to happen to a loser like me’. When we tried penetrative sex, her hymen was still intact, I couldn’t insert myself in, and I felt the sting. It never worked for us. I couldn’t blame her for it, so I felt a deep sense of disappointment in myself. We broke up and I sank further.
I am now in the most fortunate place in my life, as I have a partner who is not only sexually experienced, but also exceedingly patient. At the start of our sex life, receiving oral sex was very similar for me, but penetrative sex was new. It felt tighter, it was consistently lubricated, and I felt more of a sensation than from oral. Though it didn’t reach the sensations that wanking had given me. We continue to enjoy sexual intercourse, but I am unable to ejaculate during it. I have never cum inside of a vagina, and since we recognised this we have never used condoms. My partner has a lot of orgasms during our sex, and has tremendous stamina. I orgasm – usually – once out of every three sessions, and still by wanking myself off after I’m too exhausted to continue. This was a big step for my sex life, but I still feel I lack sensations, and can even result in me losing my erection while inside my partner. Thankfully that’s rare. Regular sex with my partner who recognised my condition and adjusted to it has helped loosen the foreskin. Treating it rough and use of lube is good for the stimulation.
I had a break through on my 27th birthday, when during sex I withdrew from my partner’s vagina and saw my foreskin had been pulled back and the head of my penis was entirely visible. It was like a scene in a movie. I was utterly delighted, but touching it didn’t feel pleasurable, in fact it was almost as painful as the sting. I received oral sex with my head exposed and it all felt rough, as though my bell end were too tender to touch. My partner’s tongue piercing felt like a nail. After that my foreskin stayed a little retracted and I had a new confidence over the following day or so, my penis was generally more sensitive and this would brighten up an otherwise dull activity like being bored at work, and even enjoyed pissing without the tip sputtering the stream. It eventually went back to the way things were and my bell end has broken free in perhaps a total of five times since. It never lasts long, but it’s satisfying when it does, it still hurts to touch it.
I am presently still uncomfortable with my foreskin, and by association with my penis. I don’t feel the anger that I used to, largely in part to my partner’s supportive nature and enthusiasm which I am forever grateful for. I still wish that my foreskin was looser or just gone completely, but the upside is that I can be a better lover to my partner, and provide her with as many orgasms as I can. I take pleasure in her pleasure, and that drives me. That is one source of confidence I have gained, in that my insensitivity has greatly increased my longevity, and I have even had shags lasting over an hour hearing my partner orgasm every five minutes or so. Fuck Yeah! I haven’t given up pursuit of my own pleasure, though in my more depressing times I often think it’s not worth pursuing anyway or I don’t deserve it, as though the discovery of pleasure will just lead to more pain, like when my bell end popped out. I am not happy with my sexual organs but I am happy with my sex life, and I intend to push myself to find what pleasures are open to me.
Also, an OffBeat masturbator is good for phimosis; just remember to stretch it apart with both hands when putting it on.