If Not You

“I just don’t think I’m that kinky.”

I used to have two deal breakers, non-monogamy and non-kinky. I thought they were the two things I absolutely had to have in my relationship. If I had heard that sentence from anyone else I would be writing about being single again. But honestly, if I can’t have a kinky relationship with my partner then I don’t want one at all. It’s no longer the deal breaker it once was.

We aren’t vanilla, but it’s not a sub/Dom relationship either. We have a bit of kink in the bedroom but it isn’t a central part of us either. We have fun with spanking, a little light pain every now and then, and there’s one other thing that I’ll be writing about over the next couple of weeks (I need some surprises and with no sex or BDSM thanks to lock down I need to ration my ideas in a big way), sensation play and some bondage.

But what about my kinky needs? Well, I actually don’t mind. Once I get back to work I’ll be getting kinky so it’s not like I won’t have an outlet. And what we do now I love. I have a wonderful and loving relationship with someone that makes me happy and an amazing sex life. And as I said to my partner during this conversation, my kinks have changed and grown over the years so I don’t doubt that will continue to happen for the both of us. But we both know that we can openly talk about these things when they come up. The one thing our relationship has never lacked is a feeling of being able to openly talk to each other about anything.

I wondered that evening if it was the end of my kinky journey, one that I’ve been on for almost my whole adult life, but it isn’t, it’s just one chapter ending and a new one beginning. One where it does not take centre stage in a way it used to, it is still a part of my life because my relationship is about both our needs being met. And I’m strangely at peace with that.

My partner sees slutty as up for basically anything and kinky as having a specific handful of things you need from sex. It’s making me wonder what both slutty and kinky mean to me, well I have an entire lock down to work that one out. What do they mean to you? Leave a comment and let me know.

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