We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect loveTom Robbins
How do you create the perfect love? What even is the perfect love? I don’t think I know. Is perfect love the support we give each other? is it going to all of your stand up gigs? Is it you rubbing my feet because they always seem to feel achy? Is it holding you when you’re stressed? Is it you waking me up from nightmares and calming me down again? Or maybe it’s making each other laugh so hard there are tears rolling down our cheeks and our sides hurting. I don’t know, maybe I never will, but I do know they make us who we are as a couple.
Perhaps the perfect love is something you create inside of yourself, the love you have for yourself? And could that ever be perfect? I don’t think I would want it to be, I fear it would make me narcissistic or I would stop wanting to be a better person. I would stop growing and evolving and I can’t imagine why anyone would want that. I love myself well enough to know that I’m far from perfect. Past the superficial things like the scars and skin tags, the lines I’m starting to get around my eyes to the jealous self, the inability to let go of old grudges or the darker parts of my past. If I saw perfection in me I’d do nothing about those things.
I will confess to wasting time looking for the perfect lover, I regularly beat myself up for picking relationships over the career that I have kept coming back to. If I could go back I would have jumped ship at eighteen and built my career in the sex industry as a content creator. I don’t have the perfect lover (and whoever says they do is a damn fucking liar) but we did meet at the perfect time. I had gotten a lot of things out of my system that would have damaged both of us, he had more confidence and we met at just the right time. I was willing to drop a lot for a stranger on stage many years before, as he well knew, but we weren’t the right people then. Now we aren’t perfect but we are right. We’ve both grown together and in our own ways. More like two vines that twist than into one plant. It’s far healthier and we’re both happier for it.
Don’t waste your time looking for the perfect love, put time into a healthy love for yourself.
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