Spring is getting closer and it’s time to throw out what no longer serves me and I don’t just mean the knackered old pyjamas and whatever broken nonsense I have held onto for reasons I don’t even know. Today I am also looking at the kinky person I was and I am now and kissing goodbye to the kinks that no longer serve me.
It might seem like a strange thing on the surface, but I think we can all agree we that none of us are the same person we were five years ago. In face I doubt any of us are the same person we were a year ago, it’s been a hell of a twelve months. And as we change as people our kinky sides change and evolve too. My desires have changed even in the three years since I got together with my partner. So today I am looking at the person I am now, my kinks, turn ons and desires and the ones from my past that I have let go of.
My lack of sex drive is a big part of this, I am looking at how I can kick it back into life again. What have I tried in the past that I could perhaps try again and what is there that can be tossed aside because I am just not any more? I’ve tried certain kinks and sometimes they stuck around for a while, others I grew out of and away from within a couple of years and others I have put away as they do not work within my relationship. And those are the ones I am largely throwing away today. They no longer serve me nor do they serve my relationship.
I did this a few years ago with masochism, I just wasn’t that person so it had to go. It hasn’t been banned from my life, but it has been something that if it was brought back it would be under my own terms. And the sexual spring cleaning that I did with this has to a degree kept me safe. A few people have come and gone in my life with ideas of pushing a version of me that best suited them and not the person I was, don’t keep these people around, they’re the fucking worst, but my deliberate act of removing the kinks that were no longer me gave me a better sense of limits and therefore dug my heels in that I would not be someone else. I would be myself and no one else.
So what is going today? Well, I’m not sure yet. I think I have an idea or two that I will work through in my private journal because even I need a degree of privacy. But for now I need to go and clean out my old clothes, clean under my bed (yikes) give my room a nice deep clean.