Personal

It Took So Long

For a long time I didn’t talk about my relationship here and now I feel like that is slowly changing and I’m glad that it is. I didn’t talk about it because I wanted something that resembled privacy, I didn’t talk about it because what if he dumps me, breaks my heart and he’s all over this blog and I just want to abandon it?” But since I finally started sharing bits of our relationship on here I’m really glad that he gave me the go-ahead to do it.

I’d been in a room with him quite a few times before we got together, the first time I was still in my twenties. It was brief, I wanted to talk to him and it just didn’t happen. We then went our separate ways for many years and the memory got lost somewhere in the back of my brain, possibly behind the fridge, because it is a well known fact that everything you lose ends up behind the fridge.

Sometimes I look back and wish it could have happened back then. And then I remember the person I was at the time. I’m really glad it didn’t happen because we almost certainly wouldn’t still be together now. We weren’t the right people back then. I was a mess on two legs masquerading as a human and he needed to get some confidence in him.

That memory that it was him didn’t come back until something triggered it on our second date. Things got said and it all came flooding back. At first I thought I shouldn’t say anything because he might think I was weird or bonkers or both. Well, several months later he was fully aware that I am indeed weird and bonkers so I told him. He was flattered, thought it was sweet and agreed that we weren’t ready for each other back then. Although the fuck would have been nice.

The roadmap out of lockdown is making me think about it. We’ll be allowed to see each other for our anniversary this year. Socially distanced and nothing will be open, but we will be able to have a real and actual date, sat in a park or something. Three years and one of them in a pandemic and we’re still going strong.

And I always get my man. Even if it takes me about seven years.

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