Self Love

No, not that kind of self love ya pervs! This one is all about learning to love myself, and that was not an easy thing. I’ve never quite been happy with my body and the people I dated have not helped this. Nor did growing up in a not so great home. And once I had learned from my mistake of living for other people things gradually began to change.

My first step was when I started taking my clothes off for a living. Something within months I let my ex guilt me out of. (Oh how I wish I could have a do-over between 18 and 30 things would look so damn different.) But I was starting to be allowed to love my body.

Yes that is 20 year old Bambi on her first ever photo shoot. Photo by Nick Marchant

After I got out of that relationship after two years I didn’t go back into getting my kit off straight away and I was trying to get into the gothy/punky look I kept being told I couldn’t have. And unsurprisingly I was not a happy person for it. I was moving towards more tattoos and piercings which I had always wanted. That photo below was when I was starting to genuinely like where I was going. I was getting the alternative look I wanted for so many years and for those wondering, no those boots were not mine. But if anyone would like to buy me a pair, do hit me up.

A few months later a cunt “dom” would shave my head. I fucking loved that hair. I want to say this photographer was George Swift. It was nearly ten years ago!

A couple of years later I was back taking my kit off, and had gained weight from medication that had made me hate my body again. But the medication made me so tired I didn’t have the energy to lose the weight. Granted, I did do a couple of really neat photo shoots. This is one below of my favourites from that era.

Yeah, for some reason I did a lot of black and white photos. I’m well classy me. I have no idea who the photographer was.

It was around the time of the photo above I discovered bimbofication. I really loved the extreme looks and the owning of female sexuality, something ten years later we are still demonising. My boyfriend at the time did not like the “extreme” look. Yeah, I don’t know why he was dating someone already becoming fairly tattooed and pierced. We obviously didn’t last and I dated a run of people who tried to tone down my look. Please stop doing this. If you like the person accept them as they are, don’t try to turn them into what you want without their consent. You’ll just end up with a miserable partner.

When I met my partner I had a look I liked, was I totally there? No. But he has always just let me do what I need to do with my clothes, hair and body mods. He does miss my pink hair (and to be fair, so do I) but my hair could not handle any more bleaching. I’m amazed it hadn’t fallen out completely and I’m still growing out the fried bits.

Then a few months ago I finally said I want to explore bimbofication and he just wants me to be happy and that’s what I’m doing. I’m exercising, eating better and working towards the lifestyle I want. It’s only taken fourteen years since that first step. I don’t have much in the way of photos to share yet but I’m working on it. I have had to promise I won’t go too crazy with the lip fillers and that I can live with.

This post was for Love Yourself in April over at Love is a Fetish. Go check out more glorious body positivity here.

One Comment

  • Nikki

    I loved this and can relate to heavily to so much of it! Boy, I wish I had a do-over from 18-30 too lol knowing what I know now? FFS. It was really cool to see and read about your evolving style as you became more able and free to express who you wanted to be. It’s super inspirational, thank you so much for sharing! xo

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