The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.Sigmund Freud
As much as I hate Sigmund Freud and how he viewed women and their sexuality in particular (he was against clitoral orgasms) this quote was impossible not to join in on this weeks prompt. Especially as someone who has felt the shame of not “masturbating well.” Just a quick warning, I will briefly touching on PTSD and sexual anhedonia at the start of this post
About six years ago I was at the beginning of PTSD and lost all ability to orgasm. And I tried, I really tried. And I was ashamed, I was ashamed that someone I had banished from my life was still having an affect on me so many months later. And I started to blame myself, I was doing something wrong. Then finally I was able to orgasm again! And I felt… nothing. My body went through the motions and my brain refused to acknowledge it. And that just made me feel worse. I started to feel like I was never going to experience the joys of a real orgasm again.
But the good thing is that very few things in life are permanent and the following spring I was able to orgasm again. And the truth is, I was not masturbating “wrong” I was doing just fine, my brain and body were just not ready. No amount of amazing toys or partners (ranging from terrible to sort of alright, there was no stand out fucking in that rough time) were going to make it happen. I had my own things to get over and heal from.
The truth is I don’t think there is such a thing as masturbating well” as such. It really is all about whatever works for you. I do think there are better ways to masturbate, if you’re going to use toys, use body safe ones made from metal, glass or silicone. But if you are a vaginal or clitoral person that’s great, if you prefer the prostate that’s amazing too! (As someone who can orgasm from anal I am a big cheerleader of the anal orgasm.) Hell, there’s even more ways to orgasm from that, I nearly came from having my tits played with once, that was pretty wild.
Enjoy your orgasm however it is you achieve it, and if you cant, well that’s ok too. You’ll get there, I believe in you.
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